For a good while now, my insomnia has been neatly controlled by pills and a strict regiment. Don’t get me wrong… it never went away, it was just managed.

However, now, my insomnia doesn’t want to play nice. Nor does it want to play evil. It just wants to play.

There are many many types of insomnia that effect different people in lots and lots of ways. Insomnia goes through fazes. It changes. Mutates over time.

My favorite, and the worst insomnia, is the wake-dreaming. That’s what happens when the opposite of the norm occurs. You see, normally, when I sleep, I don’t dream. I don’t believe my brain goes in to proper REM patterning in the brain to even allow sleep to occur. And, if anyone tells you that EVERYBODY dreams EVERY TIME they sleep, they are COMPLETELY FULL of SHIT. The normal laws go out the windows when dealing with an insomniac.

So that’s the norm…. sleep with no dream. At least it is for me. When I’m not taking sleep meds. Meds definitely increase the chances of dreaming and one made me had really vivid dreams that burned in my brain. That was an interesting drug that really really sucked. But I digress…

Wake-Dreaming (it’s my term I invented. don’t know what the scientists would call it), is, from what I have gathered myself with no clinical evidence to back up my belief, when my brain goes directly in to the REM pattern, completely bypassing the other stages of sleep. I’m still awake, and only slightly paralyzed. I’m aware, should I choose to be, of both worlds around me. My brain can be confused by the duplicate signals pushed in its face, but it is what it is. I’m awake, and I’m dreaming.

Now don’t think for a second that what I’m describing here is a simple daydream. I’m talking full on, total immersion dreaming. Also, don’t confuse this for a lucid dream in which I am just aware that I’m dreaming, etc… Nope. I’m awake and am familiar with my surroundings of where I am. I’m not sure if I could “wake” myself from the dream, but I could certainly sit up in bed and flip through the channels on the tv, with a little difficulty, but it would be doable.
This wake-sleep happens sparingly, the last time last week or so, and hasn’t occurred prior in maybe 2 months.

It’s interesting to say the least.

But I digressed too much already. Probably a symptom of the sleeping pill.

I shouldn’t be updating the blog, but that’s the whole point. That’s the insomnia I have now. The wanderlust insomnia. The type where you need to be distracted. Your brain is telling you that sleep is too boring… go put on a dvd, or go write a blog, or play minesweeper for hours on end. Do SOMETHING. And so here I am.

It’s one of the more pleasant types of insomnia, because at least you’re occupied as your brain turns to jelly from lack of sleep.

The kind of insomnia where you just lay in bed and your brain keeps trying to trick you into believing that it has something important to say so you gotta stay awake so that you don’t miss out on the very importing nothing, that is, in my opinion, the worst form of insomnia. Your mind is racing, but going nowhere. All the zig-zagging in the brain just makes you more tired, but keeps you more awake at the same time.

You folks who sleep well don’t know how well you have it.

But I can’t complain too much. Insomnia helped make me in to who I am today. If I wasn’t an insomniac, I would be dead and there would be a different Matt Printz walking around the world with a different job and different friends and having a different life altogether.

It may sound weird to hear, but I believe it to be true.

And I actually like who I turned out to be.

And if what I wrote here made you concerned for me, just remember that no dreams are better than bad dreams.